Star Trek - I don't even know.

[seikilos]

Title: Fifty Shades of Grey (Star Trek remix)
Fandoms: Star Trek, Fifty Shades Trilogy
Genre: Parody
Rating: PG-13
Words: 154
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the above media.
Summary: The back cover for the first installment of the latest Alpha Quadrant sensation: Fifty Shades of Grey.
Author's Notes: I'm sure someone must have thought of this before. But when you have Garak, a Cardassian, delivering the following complaint to Dr. Bashir about the Romulans, you can't just leave it alone.

Ah, yes, Romulus. How well I remember it. You'll find the predominant colour to be grey. The buildings, the clothes, the people. Did you know that the Romulan heart itself is grey? It's true. And altogether appropriate for such an unimaginative race.

When Tal Shiar agent Anast'asia Stiral goes to interrogate high-ranking Obsidian Order operative Cristiak Guret, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The worldly, jaded Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and interrogation techniques, Guret admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.

Shocked yet thrilled by Guret’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multitudes of terrified subordinates, his vast wealth, his loving family—Guret is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Cristiak Guret’s secrets and explores her own dark desires.

Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever.

Comments

[hickumu]

So...E.L. James is a Romulan, then? XD

*dies cackling*

[vyctori]

Hey, I'm not saying it's impossible! This Fifty Shades trilogy could well be a secret Romulan plot to undermine Earth society, after all. You never know.

And I am totally not planning on writing a crackfic wherein, in an attempt to agree on something, Dr. Bashir and Garak give each other what they consider to be truly awful examples of their own species' literature. Just guess what Dr. Bashir would be handing over. :Db

If Fifty Shades of Grey is like "The Faerie Queene" in three hundred years, I will be absolutely delighted.

[hickumu]

I've heard of crazier plans from the Romulans. I mean, hell...look at recent evidence. I'd say, whoever's crazy plot it is, it's working. The Romulans could even just take advantage of the situation to swoop right in under the noses of our real saboteurs.

...*looks up "The Faerie Queene"...

...*dies laughing* "Obsolete language" and "matters of imitation" indeed.

[vyctori]

Dude, you're right. We could have two hostile species on our hands, not one. I wonder who the other one is. D:

Loki once read it over the journals on Luceti. Ikki promptly responded by asking him about every single word she didn't know. It was a hell of a list, as you might imagine.

[consultmybooks]

Dude, I can't blame Ikki - I write well enough to have tested out of my Basic Comp class, but there are some words in that book that even I had to look up.

Thesaurus and biology fail aside, you'd be amazed what becomes incomprehensible if you just write it badly enough.

[lostinmyway]

Oh, whoops, I meant "The Faerie Queene." I think even Loki has higher standards than to read Fifty Shades of Grey.

But yeah, I can't say I'm surprised in the slightest.... :|

[hickumu]

I think he'd give it a go in a bid to make Thor lose his faith in humanity, but whoops, my misread! Sorry 'bout that. I don't think even FSoG has language as maddening as Faerie Queens, at least from what I gathered from the Wikipedia page. I'm certainly not going to try to read either.

[vyctori]

Probably, yeah. And if anyone in Luceti really pissed him off--though he'd probably do it when he was sure all the kids were in bed, because erm. Yeah.

I glanced over part of the poem myself a while ago, and I started automatically skimming very, very quickly. Oy.