seikilos: (Default)
Title: Out of Communications Range
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Humour
Rating & Warnings: PG (language, reference to sexual content)
Words: 615
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Summary: When O'Brien doesn't answer Sisko's hail over his combadge, Sisko and Odo assume the worst. In this case, however, their pessimism may not be called for--and may, in fact, make things a touch awkward.
Author's Notes: Because everyone in Star Trek jumps to conclusions way too often, and it has to have bitten them in the ass at least once or twice over the years.

If you like what you've read, please consider supporting me on Patreon! I'm currently minimally employed, so every little bit helps.

'Computer, initiate emergency security override, authorisation Sisko-One-Alpha.' )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: Diversions
Fandom: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Humour
Rating & Warnings: PG (blood mention)
Words: 401
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Age: Inquisition.
Summary: Varric comes up with a couple of different ways to pass the time on the Storm Coast.
Author's Notes: This is a combination of party banter turning up in a funny place and the conversation between me and my brother that followed. Don't think too long and hard about the likelihood of this one particular song developing both on Earth and Thedas.

If you like what you've read, please consider supporting me on Patreon! I'm currently minimally employed, so every little bit helps.

Then Varric began to sing: )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: Mere Curiosity
Fandom: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Humour
Rating & Warnings: G
Words: 100
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Age: Inquisition.
Summary: Of course Cassandra isn't planning on writing stories herself. That would be ridiculous.
Author's Notes: Written for [personal profile] hickumu, who single-handedly met my first two fundraising goals on Patreon! As a perk, she got to request a drabble, and so here it is: something with Varric and Cassandra.

For anyone who'd be interested in contributing, the next milestone involving me writing fic nets everyone a 250-word fic of their choice. So, you know.

'Varric!' )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: Smiles and Botany
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Gen/Humour
Rating & Warnings: PG (mild language, mild sexism)
Words: 3073
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Summary: Keiko has many beautiful smiles. The one she wears when she suggests that they should invite Julian and his new partner Garak over for a dinner party is not remotely one of Miles' favourites.
Author's Notes: I've been meaning to get around to posting this one for, um, over a year now. Whoops.

I don't think I've ever written anything from Miles' perspective before, actually! It was a bit of a challenge, in that I didn't want to write some of his more 90s TV husband traits but I also wanted to stay true to his character. Balancing his actual reasonable dislike of Garak with him also being grumpy was interesting as well.

I'm not sure if I'll be writing anything else from his point of view any time soon, but it was a good exercise in the meantime. And it was an excuse to write more about Keiko, as well as one of my OTPs, and I never say no to that!

Also: I've included a bonus wry joke for anyone who's read A Stitch In Time. Five points if you catch it. <3

Miles didn't like smiling. )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: Better-Looking Pilots Actually Sing "Love Is an Open Door" From Frozen
Fandom: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Humour
Rating & Warnings: G (Casual ableist language)
Words: 1167
Disclaimer: I don't own Cabin Pressure.
Summary: While waiting for a customer to turn up, Arthur shows Herc and Douglas a video on his phone. Herc and Douglas think they can do better.
Author's Notes: Basically, when I learned this existed, I knew what I had to do.

''Good-Looking Pilots Sing 'Love Is an Open Door' From Frozen'?' )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: Lines
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Humour
Rating & Warnings: PG (innuendo)
Words: 3784
Disclaimer: I don't own the above media.
Summary: There's been a buildup of Dominion forces near the wormhole--or so Dukat says. He proposes a joint Cardassian-Federation mission to investigate, with himself and Sisko as their governments' representatives.
Author's Notes: I had so much fun with being as terrible as possible in this one. Dukat may be a horrible person, but damn if he isn't a blast to write sometimes.

Thank you very much to tinsnip, who reblogged this travel calculator at exactly the right time for me not to make embarrassing timing mistakes with this fic. :D;;

'It's from Gul Dukat,' Kira answered in that tone of revulsion she reserved exclusively for their least favourite Cardassian. )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: Getting Comfortable
Fandom: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Romance/Humour
Rating & Warnings: PG
Beta: marsdaydream
Words: 1068
Disclaimer: I don't own Cabin Pressure.
Summary: Herc's relationship with Carolyn is like no other he's had in his life. But the unexpected is what makes it fun--for the most part.
Author's Notes: I'm a huge sucker for non-nuclear families, so when Herc found his way into Carolyn and Arthur's lives, well, that was it for me. I knew exactly where my ficcing drive was taking me with this fandom.

I have another one written with this pair and a couple more ideas on top of that. None of them are particularly long, but you never know: that might change.

Thank you very much to Mars for her lovely, fast beta! ♥ Please drop by her page here and give her fics a look if you need a great way to spend an afternoon.

'If you'd like, you could go home. Or . . . you could stay here.' )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: An Introductory Course on How to Be a Boyfriend
Fandom: Tales of Graces f
Genre: AU/Humour/Romance
Rating & Warnings: G
Words: 3623
Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Graces f.
Summary: Asbel and Richard have confessed their feelings to each other and are now boyfriends. The only problem is, Asbel has no idea what being a boyfriend actually consists of.
Author's Notes: I wrote this quite a while ago, and I was hoping to get it posted in time for Richass Week on tumblr, but obviously that didn't happen. Whoops.

This follows immediately after To See His Smile, but it isn't necessary to have read it to understand what's going on in this.

But how was he supposed to be Richard's boyfriend? )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: Battle Hymns of the Federation
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Humour
Rating & Warnings: G
Words: 688
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Summary: O'Brien wonders why only the Klingons get to sing while going forth into battle. Sisko offers a suggestion as to what Federation members could sing themselves.
Author's Notes: In general, Klingons and I don't mix too well. However, one thing I do adore is the importance of song in Klingon life. (This has nothing whatsoever to do with me being a music teacher.)

This also came from the never-not-hilarious tendency for history to change the context of media--and I'm not saying anything else, because it'll give the joke away.

'Would you prefer we skip the safety checks and start straight in on the opera?' )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: 30-Day Cheesy Tropes Challenge - 8. Sex Pollen AU
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Humour
Rating & Warnings: PG
Words: 134 this part, ?? overall
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Summary: The flora on alien planets can have unexpected properties, as Garak finds out firsthand.
Author's Notes: My apologies to anyone who had been expecting something of any length for this prompt. When I arrived at this point in the list, I read the trope name and went "NOPE." So--here you are.

The good thing about having a highly accomplished doctor as a friend was that, when he was dosed by what was no doubt the sexual cousin of the Omicron pod plant on the planet on which they had just crashed, within seconds Dr. Bashir had snapped out the tricorder from his salvaged medkit, scanned him, and hit him with the appropriate hypo. )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: By the Book
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space 9
Genre: Humour
Rating & Warnings: PG (sexual references--many, many sexual references)
Words: 4712
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Deep Space 9.
Summary: All Starfleet personnel must obtain authorisation from their C.O. as well as clearance from their medical officer before initiating an intimate relationship with an alien species. - VOY 5x17 "The Disease." Enforcing this particular Starfleet regulation is all well and good on a starship, but on an active space station maintained by two separate governments, matters are a little more...challenging.
Author's Notes: The moment I learned of this particular regulation, I knew I had to write a DS9 fic about it. While on one hand it does make sense that people would want to know whether there would be any unpleasant side effects to getting it on with a member of another species, on the other, when it comes to a place like DS9, the regulation strikes me as horrendously impractical. Thus: this fic. I took a few liberties with the relationships in this, for purposes of fun and shipping bias, but the majority of pairings in this are canon compliant.

On a side note, I came this close to titling the fic "Alien Banging Regulations," and it's all Ereka's fault.

There was, in fact, only one new task he did not relish: giving the Starfleet personnel on his station permission to initiate intimate interspecies relationships. )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: 30-Day Cheesy Tropes Challenge - 06. Spin the Bottle
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Pre-slash/Humour
Rating & Warnings: G this part (alcohol), PG-13 overall?
Words: 919 this part, ?? overall
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Summary: At a slightly tipsy gathering of most of the senior staff of DS9 (plus Keiko and Garak), it's decided that they really should play an old Earth game Sisko recently read about.
Author's Notes: I had originally been intending to post something else today, but then I realized at the last minute that I had left out an important scene, and so that's been put on hold until I can, uh, actually write it.

Instead, I decided to post this, which is basically me having fun with historical mix-ups. I really enjoy the idea of people in our future getting things in the present day not quite right, because, you know, if we can mess up stuff that went on much less than a hundred years ago, expecting perfect accuracy three hundred years in the future is a bit much.

Also, I really like the idea of the senior staff (and secondary characters) socialising in large groups. We mostly saw them pair off on their downtime, which was really nice, but the occasional mildly awkward night at Quark's would have been fun to see too.

This is totally silly, so don't think much more than that about it. :Db;

'There's an old Earth game I was reading about recently, Spin the Bottle.' )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: Working Out The Kinks
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Fluff/Humour
Rating & Warnings: PG (extremely light references to sex)
Words: This part 1905, ?? overall
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Summary: When it comes to dealing with muscle pain, Julian and Garak find that there's really nothing like physical touch. Featuring a trope played straight, subverted, and then resolved in three acts. This chapter: Turnabout is fair play.
Author's Notes: This is the chapter where I took a close look at what I'd written, as well as some common fandom tropes, and decided to turn everything on its head. I also took my experience as the daughter of a medical professional and put it to good use. I was very fortunate to be taught a large number of scientific names for the various parts of my body at a young age, although this probably weirded out some of the people around me. I am pretty sure I was the only kid in my Grade 1 class who would complain about being itchy by her scapula (shoulder blade), for example.

Just as a heads-up, but after this I'll be taking a bit of a posting hiatus to get caught up on all my proofreading. I'm getting seriously bogged down, so this is the last thing you'll see from me for a little while. I may get something posted next week, but if I do, it won't be for this fandom. So yeah, I hope you enjoy this and I'll be back with something else in a couple of weeks. <3

'Garak? Are you all right?' )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: An Evening With Schoenberg
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: AU/romance/humour
Rating & Warnings: PG (kissing, language, slight internalised homophobia)
Words: 5867
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Summary: Garak invites Julian to a concert of music by the "dangerous" Arnold Schoenberg. Julian has no idea what to expect, but he's about to find out.
Author's Notes: Another of my installments in the DS9 pizza shop AU, Deep Dish Nine. This one is significantly more serious in tone than my previous outing. I was inspired by the fics and discussions of tinsnip and Lady Yate-Xel into trying my hand at Julian and Garak's relationship in this 'verse, though I more or less went off in my own direction to a degree. So, for example, I ended up loosely basing Cardassian dating on turn-of-the-previous-century courting to give it some of that different flavour that's present in DS9, rather than stealing any thunder.

Jane Bond is the idea of humon, whose take I love rather a lot.

Dedicated to tinsnip, who not only is a fantastic beta (posting this ahead of schedule is my very small way of thanking her for all her help), but a lovely person and friend. The DS9 fandom is lucky as hell to have you. ♥

'Well then,' Garak began in that rehearsed casual tone that signaled many of his suggestions, 'perhaps you'd be willing to accompany me to a concert later this week—once either your assignment is handed in or is a pile of ash on the floor of your apartment.' )

The concert. )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: Working Out The Kinks
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Fluff/Humour
Rating & Warnings: PG (innuendo)
Words: This part 2137, ?? overall
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Summary: When it comes to dealing with muscle pain, Julian and Garak find that there's really nothing like physical touch. Featuring a trope played straight, subverted, and then resolved in three acts.
Author's Notes: Long story short, this is me subverting my own fanfic. This was originally another one of my early attempts to pin down the characters of Garak and Bashir. I considered reworking it after reading some discussion online about problematic DS9 tropes and doing some thinking of my own, but then I decided to pull it apart instead.

This chapter features the fic as-is, trope implications and all; the next two will involve me playing around with things. That's not to say, of course, that I didn't have a lot of wicked fun with writing this, so I hope everyone enjoys this chapter as much as I did. :Db

He had been expecting Garak's answer to be something flippant, as usual. He was surprised, then, when it was a sharp, 'Doctor, what are you doing?' )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: Off Track
Fandom: Tales of Graces f
Genre: Humour
Rating & Warnings: PG-13 (for innuendo)
Words: 884
Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Graces.
Summary: Two ways Asbel's confession on Fodra could have gotten a little off track. Spoilers for the end of Lineage & Legacies.
Author's Notes: Oh my god this is too stupid to post anywhere but here. What the hell was I even on when I wrote this.

...Um, so, I kinda felt as though Asbel's confession to Cheria was pretty forced, although I'm not a fan of the pairing to begin with. No offence to any shippers of the pairing is intended--it just isn't my cup of tea. So I ended up writing two ways things might have gone wrong...very ridiculously.

Idek.

'What I need is someone to look after Sophie with me.' )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: Tall and Daring
Fandom: Tales of Graces f
Genre: Humour
Rating & Warnings: PG (for innuendo and references to Hubert's eternal sexism)
Words: 678
Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Graces.
Summary: Sequel to Short and Sweet: Extended Edition, which should be read first. Some Lineage & Legacies spoilers. Hubert's fashion-related criticism finds a new target.
Author's Notes: Somehow, I had actually forgotten I wrote this. Don't ask me how, because I remember really enjoying writing it at the time.

Will I ever get tired of making fun of Hubert? Signs point to no.

'Whatever you have to say, Hubert, you can say it in front of everyone else.' )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: A Bad Person
Fandoms: [community profile] luceti, Tales of Legendia, Final Fantasy IV: The After Years, Tales of Phantasia, Tiger & Bunny, original works
Genre: Gen/Humour
Rating & Warnings: PG (referenced character death)
Words: 3690
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the above media.
Summary: When Grune learns of Maurits' remorseless role in Fenimore's death, two things become clear to her: Maurits is a bad person and he can no longer stay in House 34.
Author's Notes: This one came about due to a misunderstanding. I had thought that Maurits had briefly been in Luceti in its very early days and thus found myself wondering how that would play out with the current cast of characters, plus Shirley. By the time I found out I was wrong, this fic was already underway.

It's not necessary to have seen Fenimore's death scene, but it might help. Also, this is well over a year old, so, well, yeah.

'You killed Fenimore,' she said clearly. 'And you're not sorry.' )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: A Masterpiece of Western Epic Opera
Fandoms: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: AU/humour
Rating & Warnings: PG (language, comedic treatment of stalker behaviour [aka Dukat])
Words: 1517
Disclaimer: I don't own the above media.
Summary: When Dukat comes looking for Kira, he doesn't expect to have to deal with Worf and his opera.
Author's Notes: Written very quickly to be a part of the DS9 pizza shop AU, Deep Dish Nine. Finally, I get to put my year of opera study to good use!

Not even remotely meant to be taken seriously.

'You may see her once the opera has finished.' )
seikilos: (Default)
Title: Pascal's Horrible Hygiene
Fandom: Tales of Graces f
Genre: Humour/Porn
Rating: R
Words: 4613
Disclaimer: I don't own the above fandom.
Summary: Cheria has had it up way past here with her girlfriend's lack of hygiene and so she decides to take matters into her own hands.
Author's Notes: So, uh. Early on in my playthrough of Tales of Graces f, Yosie and I started discussing pairings. Being not really fond of the two options canonically presented for Pascal and the one for Cheria, we joked in a fit of 1) enjoying yuri and 2) pairing the spares, that Pascal/Cheria should be a thing instead. ...And then we became surprisingly enamoured with it.

This idea came to me in its entirety one night as I was falling asleep. While I'm not 100% happy with how it turned out--it's been a long time since I've written porn and I've never done it consistently--I'm content enough with it to inflict it upon anyone who dares click. So, you know, have fun with that. :|b

'You are coming with me and you are having a bath RIGHT NOW!' )

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